Bonjour, reader. Have we told you lately that we love you? Well, we do!
But you know what we learned from getting ghosted by rolled-beanie sk8r fuckboiz and having our accounts emptied by Tinder bots named Lacey? Actions speak louder than words. That’s why instead of just telling you that you’re our toasted Tartine bread with cultured French butter, we’re going to show you how we feel by scuba-diving through all the best Black Friday deals and emerging with the markdowns on the best-selling products for VICE readers.
Anyhow, we perused the best Black Friday and Cyber Week sales—many of which are already live—of all of our favorite retailers and most frequented stores, and discovered that a ton of your favorite things are already cheaper thanks to big-time deals, deals, deals. Check it out now, and add to cart all of these killer finds that your fellow VICE-reading comrades love, too.
The Floyd sectional
We (and our readers) love Floyd for its clean, modern furniture that’s affordable, chic, and looks great with all kinds of decor, from MCM to Frasurbane. Our favorite pick from the brand is the generously sized, comfortable, modular sectional sofa, which is currently 30% off for Black Friday.
Ghia’s non-alcoholic aperitif
Looking for a gift for your buddy who doesn’t drink but still loves a good kickback? Ghia’s alcohol-free herbal elixir that not only comes in a gorgeous bottle, but also tastes great on the rocks, in a mocktail, or as a spritz. Our editor (who’s a drinker and amaro snob, FWIW) loves the stuff, and so do our readers. Ghia is having a 20% off sitewide sale, so you can score not just the aperitif, but also the recently released Totem Glasses designed in collaboration with Sophie Lou Jacobsen, at a bargain. Or grab the Cocktail Box, the perfect DIY gift set for a teetotaler.
Dyson’s perennial fave vacuum
What can we say about Dyson’s top-of-the-line vacuums that hasn’t already been said? These things suck—literally—so therefore, they rock. Dyson’s Black Friday deals are already goin’, so scoop (and save $150 on) the classic V8 Absolute or try the new V15 or V12 Detect, which use laser technology to show you exactly where the dirt is (so you can obliterate it).
Yes, the freaking Always Pan
Stop resisting the Always Pan. It really is as functional as it is beautiful, which is why it’s become something of a phenomenon in the home cooking world. Our Place, which makes the highly coveted thing, is having a big holiday sale, and the always-hot Always Pan is finally under $100. Grab one before the most aesthetic colors sell out and go bye bye.
The big-as-hell, comfy-as-hell Kova Pit
Albany Park’s Kova Pit has become an “it” sofa, thanks to its comfortable composition, dreamy color options, and, most importantly, “please sprawl on me” design that fits the whole family, movie night, or polycule. Our readers go nuts for the Kova Pit, so if you’ve been thinking about smashing that purchase button but waiting for the right time, Black Friday is your moment. Use the promo code BF15, and you’ll saving a total of $1,831 on the already discounted price.
Saatva’s back-saving, snooze-inducing mattresses
If you haven’t heard of Saatva, clearly you haven’t been doing research on the best mattresses on the market today; Saatva always gets top marks. Save up to $500 on the brand’s mattresses right now for its holiday sale, including the Classic, or our reader bestseller, the Solaire, which offers adjustable firmness so you and your boo can stop bickering about whether squishy or rock-hard mattresses are superior.
West Elm’s cloud-like Harmony Sofa
Ah, West Elm. We just can’t quit you (although, it’s not like we want to). When it comes to West Elm’s most comfortable couch,es the Harmony Sofa—a dupe for the way-more-expensive Restoration Hardware Cloud Sofa—reigns supreme. West Elm’s Black Friday savings have already begun—with up to 70% off lots of home goods and furniture—so design your dream sectional now and thank us later.
Hoka’s Bondi 7 running shoes
Taos Aer natural deodorant
When it comes to the best natural deodorant and the best men’s deodorant, Tao’s Aer deo is perennially popular because it has a super clean ingredient list, superior odor-fighting abilities, and a refreshing, earthy, citrus scent (hello, frankincense resin oil?). If you’re ready to stock up for your New Year’s resolution workout schedule (or looking to stuff a stocking) buy it now at Nordstrom’s sale and you’ll save 20%.
Good old AirPods Pro
Ooni’s Karu 16 pizza oven
Home pizza ovens have become wildly popular in the last couple of years, and Ooni’s easy-to-use wood- and propane-fueled models get top marks. We took the Karu 16 for a spin ourselves and churned out genuinely delicious (and we think, very impressive) pizzas on our first try—and we have high standards; we’re (mostly) New Yorkers. Anyway, Black Friday 2022 is upon us, and Ooni is offering 20% off sitewide, meaning you can score deals, deals, deals on one of its coveted pizza ovens—including the very one that we use (and love) at the VICE office, which is currently $160 off.
Our all-time favorite clit-sucking toy is the cheapest we’ve ever seen it
That’s right—over at Pinkcherry, the legendary Satisfyer Pro 2 is under 30 bucks right now, which is truly bonkers. There’s a reason this toy has a bigger cult-following than literally any other sexual wellness product we’ve ever featured (or seen!)—read our writer’s full review for the succulent deets, and pick up one for your BFF, your manicurist, your wine-loving aunt, and yourself.
Just some reliable COVID tests to help you survive sniffle season
It’s that time of year again, when your friends shows up to the function with a gnarly cough and bloodshot eyes and claims they have “allergies.” Bad social behavior! But fear not; at the very least, you can stock up on these very reliable, seriously marked down COVID tests that are currently on sale on Amazon.
A blowjob-simulating toy y’all love
We believe that oral-simulating sex toys should be a human right for everybody and every body, which is why people with penises go wild for this Blowmotion warming masturbator. Catch it at for 40% off.
Le Creuset 4 eva
That’s the tattoo we’re getting on our chest, because we stan Le Creuset cookware that hard, and so do y’all. The Signature Round Deep Dutch Oven is marked way down over at Sur La Table’s Black Friday sale, so you can snag one for less than $200 (from an original price of $379.95).
Our fave latex-free, super-thin, feel-amazing condoms
We believe in wrapping it up, but are not a big fan of balloon smells and latex allergies. That’s why SKYN makes some of our absolute fave (and your fave) condoms; they’re latex-free, super thin and strong, and feel, well, great. They’re on crazy sale on Amazon right now—47% off, for about 11 bucks for a 24 pack.
Aneros’s orgasmic Helix Syn prostate massager
Here at VICE, we want to service our readers—and what better way to help y’all out than by teaching you how to give yourselves and each other explosive prostate orgasms, y’know? So our guide has been a bit of a hit, and along with it, the top toy picks from experts when it comes to beautifully (and gently, of course) blasting your b-hole. The Aneros Helix Syn Trident is one the toys considered best in class—and many, many happy customers sing their praises for it for good reason. It’s currently 20% off at Lovehoney’s Black Friday sale.
This CBD sex oil is magic for your mojo
Foria‘s CBD lube is one of our fave accoutrements for the bedroom, because it’s a sensual, relaxing formula that makes it easier to get (and stay) stimulated, especially if you tend to get nerves or if you’re having a stressful week. Everything on Foria’s site is 30% off right now, including that pretty potion.
The stand mixer of our cookie dough dreams
We’ve long been obsessed with this limited edition health-goth KitchenAid mixer (and KitchenAid mixers in general), and are jealous that so many of you have scooped one up. Right now, the Artisan model is a hundred bucks off for KitchenAid’s holiday sale—as well as a bunch of other colors and models for Black Friday/Cyber Monday.
Everything from LELO… sigh
Yep, LELO is pretty much the Tesla of sex toy companies, and we’re wowed by all of its high-end products. So the brand’s mega-marked-down Black Friday deals are putting smiles on our faces and rumbles in our jumbles, including sales on the dual-stimulation oral-simulating wonder Enigma and LELO’s innovative, super top-rated Hex condoms that come in regular and XL sizes, plus the remote-control prostate-massaging Hugo, which is popular with the gents.
The cheapest way to feel truly bougie
Y’all, you don’t need a Louis Vuitton bag or a Supreme jacket or a pinky signet ring to feel like you’ve got it all figured out. In fact, all that shit is cheugy now. The classiest, least-likely-to-put-you-in-debt choice for maxxing out your “sexy, together adult” vibes is to simply put some Aesop soap (or another unapologetically fancy hand soap) in your bathroom. Smells amazing, feels luxurious, makes a statement. One and done. Y’all know that though, because it’s a VICE reader bestseller… and it’s rarely on sale, but today’s your lucky day. SpaceNK’s Black Friday sale is a goldmine right now—25% off everything—but this might be the one thing you’ve gotta add to cart.
Happy shopping, our shifty little shellshocks. You’re our butterfly, sugar, baby. Check out more of our Black Friday coverage here.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.